Most of my life I have been displeased with God’s will for me, as it was generally not my will of the moment. More times than I want to admit, I have lived in self-deception, convincing myself that my will must be God’s will, often ignoring all signs otherwise until it is too late. Once the rapids have pulled me under, filling my lungs with water, dashing my body against the rocks and I have fought for a good long time to right myself with no success, I surrender, knowing I will drown otherwise. ...Continue Reading

I awoke this morning with a profound sense of gratitude. It is the morning of my 57th birthday, and I am not enamored with getting older. I had asked my family to not even mention this date marking my crossing from 50-something toward the threshold of 60. But no one paid attention. A girlfriend asked me to breakfast, another to lunch. A friend bought me roses, my son a beautiful leather bag. My family arranged a dinner, my niece a walk, my realtor a tour of homes. I am thankful for each and every kindness and act of love toward me this day, but these are not the only reasons why my joy is so full. ...Continue Reading

I come from a family with elephant-like memories that hold long hard grudges and never forget when they do you a favor. Fortunately, I seem to have escaped this family curse. In fact, I spent years — too many years — in friendships and romantic relationships that were hurtful and damaging. I forgave them, loved them, and took them back into the fold. I was generous to a fault. I gave before others asked, occasionally anonymously providing for friends in need who had wronged me. My high-road emotional life often left me feeling used but content that my heart was clear of malice. Oh how easily we deceive ourselves. ...Continue Reading